The study, authored by Dr. William Haggerty of the University of Minnesota, studied the behavior of more than 1,000 in-laws during a period of 10 holiday seasons and found that the in-laws–or “pseudorelatives” as the study calls them–served no positive purpose whatsoever.
“Based on our data, in-laws spend most of the holidays freeloading, eating excessively and drinking up the contents of their hosts’ liquor cabinets,” Haggerty said.
In exchange for their boorish behavior, the study noted, the irritating pseudorelatives usually offer nothing but “extremely inexpensive gifts that they picked up at the last second at the cash register at CVS.”
While some members of the scientific community questioned the timing of the study’s release–coinciding with the peak of the holiday season–Haggerty said that the Dec. 24 publication date was of no significance whatsoever.
“It’s a complete coincidence,” said Haggerty, whose wife’s family is coming to stay with him for a week starting on Christmas Eve.
Haggerty’s study also noted that “made-for-TV movies depicting Christmas being stolen, abolished or otherwise made to disappear” are wildly inaccurate and may cause unnecessary anxiety.
“In actuality, Christmas is rarely disrupted or in any way ruined,” Haggerty said, “except by in-laws.”
