“The capitol contains a high concentration of dead wood that represents an unacceptable fire hazard,” said the president, speaking in front of a background adorned with the slogan LOGGING RULES!
“Therefore, I urge the loggers of America to come to Washington, whip out their chainsaws and start chopping the old thing down,” Bush said.
Once the Capitol building has been completely razed, Bush’s plans for the vacated site include a shopping mall complete with food court and 24-screen multiplex.
While some in Congress howled at the president’s unilateral decision to set loggers loose on the Capitol building, White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer said that the president was acting on the advice of the White House legal counsel.
“The president does not need the permission of Congress to chop down Congress,” Fleischer said.
But Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle, in a sharply worded statement, begged to differ: “I do not believe that the framers of the Constitution intended the legislative branch to be replaced by a Radio Shack and a Ben & Jerry’s.”
For his part, President Bush rebutted Senator Daschle’s remark saying that he had read the Constitution over the weekend and that the document “made no mention of a legislative branch whatsoever.”
The president later backtracked, explaining that he had not read the entire Constitution but had merely viewed a “History Rock” cartoon educational video during a recent lunch break.
