“We believe that the forces of evil have finally met their match,” says a CIA spokesman.
While the CIA would not identify which corporate sleazebags had been used in the highly sensitive operation, intelligence sources believe they were plucked from the ranks of Enron, Tyco, Xerox, WorldCom, Sotheby’s and more than 90 other recently disgraced companies.
The unidentified CEOs have reportedly been so successful in cooking Al Qaeda’s books that the once-flush terror network is now $30 billion in debt and may have to sell its long-profitable terror training camps at fire-sale prices.
In addition to the undercover CEO operation, the CIA is reportedly considering employing recently departed Vividness-Universal chief Jean-Marie Messier in a mission to force the terror group into several highly leveraged, ill-advised media acquisitions.
According to the rumors, Messier would steer Al Quad’s resources towards idiotic Internet and telecom ventures, as well as the purchase of a $17.5 million Park Avenue residence for Osama bin Laden.
The CIA poured cold water on those rumors, however, saying that it regarded Messier as “a weapon of last resort.”
“The use of Monsieur Messier would create so much devastation, it’s really in the realm of the unthinkable,” the agency’s spokesman says.
