Shortstop Derek Jeter and left fielder Chuck Knoblauch led the Yankees’ assault on the Taliban, who demonstrated even less resistance than the Seattle Mariners.
The decision to board a military jet for Afghanistan immediately after defeating Seattle was made by Yankees manager Joe Torre. “We figured we’d do it while we had the momentum,” a champagne-drenched Torre told reporters from his tent in Kabul. “We’ve been swinging the bat real good.”
The assault on the Taliban began with Cy Young Award candidate Roger Clemens hurling a 98mph fastball at Osama bin Laden’s head. “I was just trying to brush him back,” Clemens later said of the pitch that felled the world’s most wanted man. “I guess he didn’t get out of the way in time.”
The Yankees then proceeded to destroy the fortified bunkers of the Taliban, with Knoblauch and Jeter providing key hits.
“We’ve been swinging the bat real good,” Jeter said.
While the nation cheered the news of the Yankees’ victory, Torre warned that the horsehide champs faced a greater challenge ahead: the Arizona Diamondbacks, who they will face this Saturday in game 1 of the World Series.
“Arizona is going to be tougher than the Taliban,” Torre told reporters. “For one thing, they have newer equipment.”
For their part, the Taliban were surprisingly gracious in defeat.
“Much as we despise them, we must admit that the Yankees deserved to win,” one Taliban official admitted. “They were swinging the bat real good.”
