Kim had selected Friday, July 18, as the date to deliver his chilling ultimatum to the world months ago and had been practicing his terrifying speech for weeks, according to a close advisor to the North Korean madman.
“Kim was all set to tell the world he was going to incinerate it in a monstrous fireball when we looked up at the monitors and saw that all of the networks were going live to Kobe,” said the adviser, Tae-jeong Moon. “We were all like, ‘dude, this can’t be happening’.”
President Kim had hoped that the networks would cut finally away from the Bryant press conference to broadcast him threatening to blow up the world, but his hopes were dashed when the news channels switched instead to breaking news in the Laci Peterson murder case in Modesto, California.
One senior vice president of programming said that he could foresee broadcasting President Kim’s spooky ultimatum in the future, but only “if it’s a slow news week.”
In other news, the National Basketball Association today initiated a new “24-second rule,” which would prohibit all NBA players from staying in a hotel, casino or Hooters restaurant for more than 24 seconds.
